In which I whine about the local Pagan meetup group

I'm feeling a little miffed after my first "witches meetup" here in town. There were about fifteen or so people there, and everyone was really nice, but I definitely felt like an outsider. It was clear that everyone in attendance was part of a more closely knit group and the conversation rarely strayed from business related to the running of their own group and its events or inside jokes passed between members. My friend Hawk came with me, and she ran into someone she knew from work. We spent the first five minutes in the room fending off her shocked questions. Hawk is very private, and apparently the fact that she'd never shared her religious affiliation with folks at work warranted comments like, "Since when are YOU Pagan?" and, repeatedly, "Really? Really?" The best was, by far, "But I've never seen you guys at [local open circles hosted by aforementioned group]." Like somehow that has any effect on whether or not we're Pagan.

The general sentiment of the meeting seemed to be that because Hawk and I aren't members of this group and aren't vocal about our practices, we somehow are less Pagan or needed basic things explained to us. I don't think these folks would agree with my assessment, but I found myself resenting them for treating Hawk and I like we didn't know anything. If I asked someone a quick question about their tradition, I got an explanation about how "Neo-Paganism is made up of a lot of different traditions...blah, blah, blah." I found myself saying things like, "Yeah, I know. But what I was asking was specifically..." People just kept assuming that I was some sort of noob just because I'd never been to the meetup.

Very frustrating. I definitely won't be going back, and have totally been turned off about this particular group.

Nevermind the girl who told me that she was "formally trained in a coven based on eclectic and Gardnerian Craft."

Uh...huh? *facepalm*

When I asked her to elaborate she started trying to give me an irrelevant history of Wicca in the U.S. that I think she needed way more than I did.

And then it turned into light Satanist and atheist bashing (always followed closely with whining about how nobody is accepting of Pagans and woe is us).

When the local Pagan Pride Day came up in conversation, I mentioned that I'd never been because it usually falls on or near the equinox. It went like this:

Me: "Yeah, I'd like to go, but I never can because it usually falls on Mabon."

Her: "So why can't you come?"

Me: "Uh, because I'm circling for Mabon."

Duh.

Anyway, that's enough whining on my end. I just left feeling really grateful to already be a part of a group, and especially a closeted one. More and more I understand my HP, who refuses to socialize with other Pagans at all.

So I just saw my first episode of Charmed...

...and Buffy the Vampire Slayer it is not. I do love how it uses that Love Spit Love cover for its theme, though. It doesn't even make sense taken out of context and is so clearly only there because it was the theme from The Craft just a couple of years earlier. So subtle.

But at least I now know where a lot of the dumb stuff I keep seeing around the Community comes from (including the aforementioned mispronunciation of the word "sabbat").

There's actually been a lot going on recently. I'm in my finally year of undergrad (again) and will officially be starting the MA in the fall. I'm still waiting to hear back from a couple of the programs I applied to, but I already got the one I want. If X Ivy League gives me money I'll have to give them serious consideration, but I seriously doubt that will happen. And I wouldn't be a good fit there, anyway. The school I've picked is not only a top program with a high placement record, but it's even closer to my coven than I already am. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I'm going to specialize in modern witchcraft, I need to be in an area where I'm close to both Family and a wider Community.

I registered for Free Spirit Gathering earlier this week, which is the highlight of my year. If you ever get the opportunity to attend a week-long festival (especially this one), I recommend that you do so.

I've been making an effort recently to be more social and establish some sort of niche in the Community in my town. I've spent the last several years avoiding them, but I don't want to be so narrow anymore. My group is so insular (and we're all very, very closeted as a group) it would be easy to just melt into the background. As it is, I go to open rituals and other events and people are already suspicious of me because of my career choice. Not to mention the other things about me that seem to mark me as "other" amongst Neo-Pagans: my hatred of all things child and marriage-related, my refusal to use terms like "Earth Mother" or pretend that my period is anything other than a nuisance, my disbelief in karma (a term that practically everyone misuses anyway), and my hostility toward the New Age. Yeah, I fit right in. But I digress. In short, I'm just trying to get out more. I connected with my coven in a roundabout sort of way that involved me taking a chance and diving into the sea of idiots in my local Community. There's always the chance I could find others of like mind and learn something.

So I've joined a local gathering of tarot readers, which has already been very profitable. I've been reading cards for a while, but I've already learned so much more just by hanging out with more experienced readers. At Imbolc, I committed myself to deepening my relationship with the cards and spending the year learning as much as I can. My deck collection has grown quite a bit recently, too. I finally got a copy of the Chinese Tarot, which has been out of print for a while. In the process of looking, I also found that some of my decks have become quite sought after in the last few years (not that I would sell them, but it's good to know). I've also recently acquired a new Thoth deck (my first one was given to me by the brother of a girl who died of a drug overdose, which makes me feel weird using it even if I do appreciate the irony), the Druidcraft Tarot, and a few others. Unlike some of my fellows, I don't have any trouble reading with used decks (even the old Thoth deck is a problem more because of him than her), so I usually have more options when it comes to deck selection. The old standby remain the Universal Waite, though.

One of the women in the group is offering a workshop on advanced reading and I thought I may sign up for it. My general policy has always been that I don't pay for things like that, but after having met her and seeing that she's legit, I may give it a go.