Just an update

Hooray for cleaning my house! Imbolc for me is all about preparing for the coming spring, and part of that involves getting rid of crap I don't need, fixing crap that's broken, cleaning everything else, and making sure that nothing in the fridge is rotting. Woo! Look for a couple of new videos on my YouTube channel (including a giveaway), as well.

Not much to report otherwise. My goal this year was to make time for myself and my individual Craft studies alongside of school. I'm making an effort to journal every day, read non-school books, and make time for solitary ritual. I have to remind myself that I'm an infinitely happier person when I do these things, but it's still difficult. I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with, particularly when they're new to witchcraft. Over the years, I've figured out that for me the key really is working to live mindfully and make each act magical in and of itself. There will never be a point where "life settles down" and suddenly there's time to be Wiccan. Most people don't speak so explicitly, but that seems to be the implication when folks say things like, "I don't have time to practice." What does that even mean? Like we're talking about committing to a sports team or something. Wicca is about all of that other life stuff, too. It's about cleaning your house, taking care of your family, choosing what to eat, who you have relationships with, and making career decisions. It encompasses everything. Of course it doesn't tell you exactly how to do any of those things, but practicing Wicca fundamentally affects who you are, and thus every other decision you make. At least, that's been my experience. I realize it isn't like that for some people.

Anyway, I should be telling myself this. I'm going to go finish my laundry and go to the grocery store now.

It's raining and I'm procrastinating.

It's a rainy day here in Charlotte, and I'm sequestered at a coffee shop revising the paper I'm presenting at Florida State next month. I've been putting this off pretty much all month and last, but I just couldn't bring myself to bury myself in yet more work over the break. I though I'd, you know, actually take a break. Maybe that wasn't the best idea, academically speaking, but I'm certainly a lot happier for it.

I feel weird about this paper, which I've titled "Middle-Class Vodou: Spirit Possession and Marginality in the United States." Weird because I'm analyzing the work of authors that I've met personally and respect (Kenaz Filan and Raven Kaldera, namely), and because I'm both a believer and a practitioner of spirit possession. It's a lot easier to conduct research if you don't actually have any emotional investment in your subject. I'm writing in defense of I.M. Lewis, who basically argues that spirit possession is related to disenfranchisement and marginality, which makes me uncomfortable because I'm not really convinced that he's right. The paper is an exploration, in which I attempt to examine his theories in light of contemporary works on spirit possession by practitioners.

It's pretty sweet that my paper was accepted at this symposium and that my department is helping to pay my way, but frankly I'm way too ignorant to be getting up there and being all, "LET ME TELL YOU PEOPLE ABOUT SPIRITS." I console my nerves by reminding myself that at least I'm sympathetic to my subject, which is more than most academics. I just want to stay away from evaluating Neo-Pagan and contemporary magical communities in the future, because I don't think there's a good way to fairly represent both of my communities--the scholarly and the magical--at the same time. At least, I haven't found it. And I haven't read any other pagan scholars who have either, at least not yet. You either come off sounding like a turncoat or like an idiot.

Mostly, I just need this to go well so that my future in the Academy is a little more solid. My advisor told me to think of this as a job interview with FSU, University of Florida, and any of the Tennessee schools that may be represented. As terrible as it would be to have to move to Florida, it would be great to be on good terms with potential program advisors and directors.

I'm trying to be better about being more balanced this semester. Usually, I'm all about school all the time, which leads to things like forgetting to eat, not having friends, and never leaving the house. With roller derby and my commitments to my coven and my health (I'm trying this new thing where I work out outside of derby practices and eat periodically), I'm forcing myself to be more well-rounded. I'm one of those people that likes tightly-ordered schedules and organized plans, so getting myself into a routine is a helpful thing. I've also joined a new dance studio, so that should be a nice compliment to derby. I'm also on the my league's marketing committee, so I've for plenty to do aside from school. I've even scheduled time for journaling and reading non-school books. It probably sounds restrictive to some of you, but my psyche breaks down if I don't have a lot going on in an ordered way. Think Hermione Granger, only not as smart and on lots of drugs.

Ugh. Back to this paper. For real now.

So I just saw my first episode of Charmed...

...and Buffy the Vampire Slayer it is not. I do love how it uses that Love Spit Love cover for its theme, though. It doesn't even make sense taken out of context and is so clearly only there because it was the theme from The Craft just a couple of years earlier. So subtle.

But at least I now know where a lot of the dumb stuff I keep seeing around the Community comes from (including the aforementioned mispronunciation of the word "sabbat").

There's actually been a lot going on recently. I'm in my finally year of undergrad (again) and will officially be starting the MA in the fall. I'm still waiting to hear back from a couple of the programs I applied to, but I already got the one I want. If X Ivy League gives me money I'll have to give them serious consideration, but I seriously doubt that will happen. And I wouldn't be a good fit there, anyway. The school I've picked is not only a top program with a high placement record, but it's even closer to my coven than I already am. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I'm going to specialize in modern witchcraft, I need to be in an area where I'm close to both Family and a wider Community.

I registered for Free Spirit Gathering earlier this week, which is the highlight of my year. If you ever get the opportunity to attend a week-long festival (especially this one), I recommend that you do so.

I've been making an effort recently to be more social and establish some sort of niche in the Community in my town. I've spent the last several years avoiding them, but I don't want to be so narrow anymore. My group is so insular (and we're all very, very closeted as a group) it would be easy to just melt into the background. As it is, I go to open rituals and other events and people are already suspicious of me because of my career choice. Not to mention the other things about me that seem to mark me as "other" amongst Neo-Pagans: my hatred of all things child and marriage-related, my refusal to use terms like "Earth Mother" or pretend that my period is anything other than a nuisance, my disbelief in karma (a term that practically everyone misuses anyway), and my hostility toward the New Age. Yeah, I fit right in. But I digress. In short, I'm just trying to get out more. I connected with my coven in a roundabout sort of way that involved me taking a chance and diving into the sea of idiots in my local Community. There's always the chance I could find others of like mind and learn something.

So I've joined a local gathering of tarot readers, which has already been very profitable. I've been reading cards for a while, but I've already learned so much more just by hanging out with more experienced readers. At Imbolc, I committed myself to deepening my relationship with the cards and spending the year learning as much as I can. My deck collection has grown quite a bit recently, too. I finally got a copy of the Chinese Tarot, which has been out of print for a while. In the process of looking, I also found that some of my decks have become quite sought after in the last few years (not that I would sell them, but it's good to know). I've also recently acquired a new Thoth deck (my first one was given to me by the brother of a girl who died of a drug overdose, which makes me feel weird using it even if I do appreciate the irony), the Druidcraft Tarot, and a few others. Unlike some of my fellows, I don't have any trouble reading with used decks (even the old Thoth deck is a problem more because of him than her), so I usually have more options when it comes to deck selection. The old standby remain the Universal Waite, though.

One of the women in the group is offering a workshop on advanced reading and I thought I may sign up for it. My general policy has always been that I don't pay for things like that, but after having met her and seeing that she's legit, I may give it a go.

Holy crap! It's been more than a year!

But that's okay. I realize that I lost all of my followers, so now I'm talking to myself, but maybe that will change soon.

A lot has changed in the last year and a half. I'm at a different university studying something completely different, I'm freshly single, I've formally left the circle I'd been a part of since 2005, and I'm suddenly feeling weirdly motivated to reconnect to the interwebs. Summer does that to me. I also have a new YouTube channel that you can find here. I had one last year for about three seconds, and then got weirded out by it. But I want to try again.

My life IMPLODED this year, and now I'm trying to put it back together in a pleasing fashion.