C is for creepy men at festivals

In my experience, Neo-Pagans tend to be more open about sex than the general population.  I've often repeated the maxim that Wicca is fundamentally about sex and death, and I maintain that with a hefty dose of adamance.  I saw a video recently on YouTube in which someone offered up an interpretation of the Charge that included arguing that "ye shall be naked in your rites" was some sort of metaphor for  being yourself and not trying to hide who you are.  That's a super sweet interpretation and I'm thrilled that this person was able to derive personal meaning in drawing this conclusion, but that absolutely wasn't the original intention of the piece (which, by the way, wasn't written by the Goddess Herself).  Naked means naked.

All this to say, witches and Pagans tend to not mind being naked, talking about and engaging in sex, etc.  We're not prudes.

That said, being Pagan does not require that one have sex, feel comfortable naked (especially in public),  or want to talk openly about sex, etc.  And yet over and over again I find myself having to deal with other Pagans who assume that, because I'm a Pagan, too, I'm promiscuous or okay with sharing the details of my personal life with strangers (who, just by virtue of being Pagan, are not automatically "family" or even "community").

I'll come out and say it: traumatic past experiences have left me with serious man problems.  I'm not inherently trusting, patient, or forgiving where they're concerned.  I've picked fights with guys who've catcalled me, I often call men out for harassing women or mistreating their wives and girlfriends, and I can't tolerate any sort of media that I feel encourages people to become desensitized to violence against women (*cough* Game of Thrones *cough*).  Yeah, I realize that women can suck, too.  I've heard all of that from the offended men in my life.  I don't give a shit. That fact is that men have more power in society than women do and are more likely to commit violent crimes against women than vice versa.  Having experienced such violence, I don't want to hear about how, "Well, men can be victimized, too!"  Go find someone else if you're looking for sympathy.  

I'm admitting all of this to the interwebs because I think it may be important in order for you to understand that I'm hyper sensitive to sexual harassment.

Leering at a woman while she's in sacred space, trying to hug her (because Pagans are supposed to hug instead of shake hands, right?) just so you can feel her up, or otherwise making unwelcome advancements repeatedly is unacceptable.  Being Pagan isn't an excuse to be a creeper.

While at festival, I had a merchant creep up behind me and offer to buy my underwear.  I was't sure how to feel after giving it some thought, but initially I was disturbed and offended.  Viscerally I was repulsed.  Needless to say, I left and maintained my distance for the rest of the week.  I've also had plenty of comments left on videos I've made that have been sexual in nature and otherwise off-topic and unwelcome.  When I've deleted the comment and said something to the perpetrator, what I usually hear is, "It was meant to be a compliment!"

It's not a fucking compliment.  It's harassment.  Knock it the fuck off.  You want to appreciate a woman's body from a distance and indulge in lusty fantasies on your own, fine.  Go for it.  Hey, I've objectified plenty of men in my day.  But bringing it to her attention so explicitly is not necessarily welcome, nor should you assume that it will be.

While we're on the subject of sex and nudity, I want to say something about clothing optional, family-friendly festivals like Free Spirit Gathering (where I was this past week):

Including children is great.  Encouraging children to be comfortable with nudity (both their own and others') is great.  But assuming that it's always safe to do so is not okay.  Yes, it's a Pagan festival.  The theory is that Pagans are more honest, more open, and more ethical than the population at large.  Sadly, this is not actually the case.  At a festival where anyone with the money can attend and where you're not always there to monitor your child's every move, maybe it's not the greatest idea that you allow your child to run freely, and unclothed, at that.  I want to trust people, I do.  I want to believe that things like rape don't occur at festivals.  But it does.  I don't understand why people are so readily willing to risk the safety of their children for the sake of idealism.

I'll close by saying that there's nothing wrong with promiscuity (and I'm applying that term to both women and men).  With regard to sex, I think whatever floats your boat (provided you're not hurting anyone else) is all good.  I just think we sometimes need to be more considerate of others and keep a closer watch on our children.

B is for I can't even be fucking bothered to do this.

I've been wrestling with 'B' for the last couple of days (obviously, I'm totally disregarding the original schedule for the Pagan Blog Project and just writing whenever I damn well please).  "Books" would be too obvious, and I just can't think of much else that interests me enough to write about it.  As I was flipping through some other blogs participating in the Project, I saw plenty of entries on the Burning Times, which made me pissed enough that I recorded a video basically to the effect of, "The Burning Times wasn't a real thing.  Shut up and get over it and read a fucking history book that wasn't written by Anne Llewellyn Barstow or Margaret Murray, for the love of all that is holy.  And stop comparing the witch hunts to the Holocaust.  You privileged fucks."

But that's just not very pleasant.  And I'm nothing if not pleasant.

It's not even a conversation that I thought warranted more discussion.  Everyone's got the Internet now, right?  And access to ebooks, free online historical archives through any number of universities, online lectures, etc.  There's just no excuse for that kind of ignorance anymore, right?  Surely nobody's tossing around the old "nine million women burned at the stake" thing anymore.

False.  In the last week, I've read this sort of horse shit in two books published since 2011.  TWO FUCKING THOUSAND ELEVEN.  One of these works was self-published by someone who teaches "Wicca" classes locally.

I just can't.  I can't even.  I have lost the ability to can.

So B is for Burning Times and bull shit and books that should never have seen a printing press.  B is for booze, of which I find myself immediately in need.

"Dark" Witchcraft

I'm feeling tired and frazzled, but content. Conferences are always academically energizing for me. They're good for my ego, mostly, but it's also great to interact with scholars that I respect and potentially make some new friends. My paper was well-received and I feel that I responded to all of my questions very well. FSU is on my list of potential Ph.D. programs, and it was great to actually see the campus and meet some of the professors.

Not a lot going on, otherwise. I haven't posted much of substance to YouTube in the last several days. I've watched with some bewilderment as the popular topic in the community lately seems to be "dark witchcraft," whatever that is. I get where these folks are coming from, I think. What I don't understand is why there needs to be yet another label for something that I think is inherent to witchcraft already. To call rites and rituals that somehow pertain to death "dark" seems to me to place a value judgement on them and automatically draws a comparison that I don't think is helpful. I don't see why death is any "darker" than any other human experience (if you ask me, childbirth and parenthood are way scarier, and definitely grosser).

People die. People suffer. Witches sometimes talk to dead people. A lot of us collect skulls and other dead bits. Cemeteries can be powerful places. Blood can be a powerful ritual additive. Pain can be a source of power. So what? If that makes me "dark," then it's news to me. That's just part of being a witch, as far as I'm concerned.

What I will say, since I'm on the subject, is that it annoys me when these "dark witches" describe themselves in direct contrast to Wiccans, who are supposedly "focused on light, love, and the positive." Like being Wiccan is a bad thing. I can understand why someone with only a superficial understanding of Wicca--gained primarily from the Barnes & Noble "New Age" section and YouTube--would think that Wiccans are all about kittens and moonbeams (both of which are admittedly awesome), but this is simply erroneous. Wicca is fundamentally about sex and death. And lots of both. Maybe Scott Cunningham's version of Wicca doesn't include scourging, magic involving blood, or work with the dead, but that doesn't mean it isn't part of Wicca.

I think what some people are calling "dark" is really just self-awareness. To quote The Princess Bride, "Life is pain. Anyone who says different is selling something."

In which I whine about the local Pagan meetup group

I'm feeling a little miffed after my first "witches meetup" here in town. There were about fifteen or so people there, and everyone was really nice, but I definitely felt like an outsider. It was clear that everyone in attendance was part of a more closely knit group and the conversation rarely strayed from business related to the running of their own group and its events or inside jokes passed between members. My friend Hawk came with me, and she ran into someone she knew from work. We spent the first five minutes in the room fending off her shocked questions. Hawk is very private, and apparently the fact that she'd never shared her religious affiliation with folks at work warranted comments like, "Since when are YOU Pagan?" and, repeatedly, "Really? Really?" The best was, by far, "But I've never seen you guys at [local open circles hosted by aforementioned group]." Like somehow that has any effect on whether or not we're Pagan.

The general sentiment of the meeting seemed to be that because Hawk and I aren't members of this group and aren't vocal about our practices, we somehow are less Pagan or needed basic things explained to us. I don't think these folks would agree with my assessment, but I found myself resenting them for treating Hawk and I like we didn't know anything. If I asked someone a quick question about their tradition, I got an explanation about how "Neo-Paganism is made up of a lot of different traditions...blah, blah, blah." I found myself saying things like, "Yeah, I know. But what I was asking was specifically..." People just kept assuming that I was some sort of noob just because I'd never been to the meetup.

Very frustrating. I definitely won't be going back, and have totally been turned off about this particular group.

Nevermind the girl who told me that she was "formally trained in a coven based on eclectic and Gardnerian Craft."

Uh...huh? *facepalm*

When I asked her to elaborate she started trying to give me an irrelevant history of Wicca in the U.S. that I think she needed way more than I did.

And then it turned into light Satanist and atheist bashing (always followed closely with whining about how nobody is accepting of Pagans and woe is us).

When the local Pagan Pride Day came up in conversation, I mentioned that I'd never been because it usually falls on or near the equinox. It went like this:

Me: "Yeah, I'd like to go, but I never can because it usually falls on Mabon."

Her: "So why can't you come?"

Me: "Uh, because I'm circling for Mabon."

Duh.

Anyway, that's enough whining on my end. I just left feeling really grateful to already be a part of a group, and especially a closeted one. More and more I understand my HP, who refuses to socialize with other Pagans at all.

Speak ye little, listen much

As some of you know, I come in and out of Blogger and YouTube. I'll post a lot for a while, then disappear, and sometimes delete my accounts altogether - only to start over a few months later. The root of this behavior is a personal discomfort with making a private matter like spirituality open to discussion on a public forum. Sure, we're all here to learn and meet others, but there's also a certain degree of vanity involved. You have to be at least a little narcissistic to keep a public blog or vlog. If you weren't, you'd be content to share in more private ways, or not share at all.

But there's something gratifying about putting our ideas and experiences on the internet and getting input from others, perhaps even garnering some sort of following, be in through subscribers, questions from newbs in your inbox, or whatever. Increasingly on YouTube, I'm seeing people who are setting themselves up as teachers of Wicca. I don't mean the people who post the occasional book recommendation or incense recipe. I'm talking about the folks who consistently post "how to" videos on working spells, conducting ritual, or long "educational" videos on things like traditions, correspondences, etc. It's not the genre itself that I have a problem with. While I admit to finding the whole thing unpalatable myself, I get that some people's only resource is the internet and these videos may fill a specific need.

What I have a problem with is that most of the people making such videos have no qualifications whatsoever. A lot of them are themselves beginners. This isn't me going, "Hey! These people are new and aren't teaching Wicca the One Right Way!" Rather, I'm saying that there seems to be a stigma attached to being a beginner. People get into Wicca, set up a YouTube channel, and immediately start putting out information from whatever book they've just read. They try to set themselves up as authorities right away.

Why can't we all just be okay with where we are on our own paths? Why do so many people insist on declaring themselves "teachers"? This to me is the ultimate vanity in the Community, both online and off. It happens at open rituals and festivals too, but it's all over the internet. It's like everyone wants to be a Witch (and a High Priest/ess, no less), but no one wants to do the real work that that entails, or even figure out what that means. Everyone wants adoring students, but no one wants to take the responsibilities that having real students entails or do the personal work required to even be qualified.

So I just wanted to make this post to say that it's okay to be where you are. /rant

Imbolc Preparations

Imbolc is my favorite sabbat. This time of year just feels like it's bursting with potential. It's easy for me to think about what could be and forget about what is. This year, Imbolc is especially poignant because I'm finally in my own home. Sure, I'll have to get a roommate eventually, but for right now, I have a house all to myself. For the last several years I've been confined to a college dorm room, a tiny house shared with four other girls, or one bedroom in my brother's house. It feels wonderful to be able to stretch out. Of course, all of my books are still jammed into my bedroom (I tried to spread them around but just couldn't bring myself to leave it like that), as are all of my guitars, but I think well-ordered clutter is my style. I'm just going to embrace it.

I've spent all of January cleaning, getting things in order, unpacking, getting rid of things that I don't need, reordering my finances, making plans for a new job, adopting a cat, plotting the spring herb garden, and making candles. Not to mention going to school full time.

Imbolc to me is about getting ready for the year. In this case, getting ready for a whole life. I feel really blessed.

I don't really know what's moving me to start a blog. I'm generally a very reserved person, especially where the Craft is concerned, but I'm just feeling the urge lately. Maybe it's because I don't feel like my views are represented in the sort of blogs and YouTube videos (etc.) that are so prevalent now. Everyone has the same books on their recommended reading lists, and it's not because those books are so great. It's just that they're the ones that are easiest to find and get passed around the most. Everyone seems to subscribe to the same paradigms in their practice. That's fine, if that's what works for people, but maybe I'm just here to say that I'm different. I'm not a solitary eclectic. I don't think the way most people who claim to be Wiccan think. I'm not saying I'm better, I just want there to be a more balanced picture of Wicca on the internet. We're not all fantasy lovers. We don't all believe in fairies. We don't all practice Reiki. We don't all subscribe to the idea that all gods are one god and we're all just following variations on the same One Truth. We don't all think that Scott Cunningham was the bee's knees (or whatever).

So in this blog, I'm going to write a little bit about my Wicca. Writing is how I sort things through and figure them out. I'll write about books I'm reading, things I've seen on YouTube, people I've met, issues I've run into... Hopefully I'll make some new contacts and learn a lot. Or at least get out some angst.