Interviewing for a coven and reflections on the past

So for the last month I've been in Paris for school. This past week I finished my program, and now I'm just here for another week to actually enjoy the city sans homework. My parents arrived two days ago to accompany me. Suddenly the trip has an entirely different atmosphere, as my father is Very Very American. He's appalled at the absence of ice in drinks, air conditioning, and spacious bathrooms. I think I actually heard him threaten someone at the Louvre yesterday.

Anyway, that's not what I'm here to write about.

I'm writing because for the last two weeks I've been e-mail interviewing with a coven and I've made it to stage two: the phone call. Obviously, that has to wait until I get back, but I'm really excited about it. Mostly I've been e-mailing with the group's HP, but it was the HPS who sent me the last e-mail, saying she'd like to continue the discussion via the telephone. I think if I hadn't done this once before already I'd be scared out of my mind. Now, I figure they'll either be a match or they won't. If they're not, I'll keep seeking. I was really hoping to find a coven within this particular tradition (which I won't name out of respect for the group and for the sake of my own privacy) and I'm pleased to have finally done so.

This particular group is very much in the broom closet, which actually pleases me quite a bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm personally very open about being Wiccan, but I'd rather be a part of a group that wasn't very public. The wider Pagan community, bless their hearts, is just a huge headache sometimes, and I don't want to get caught up in the drama that inevitably arises when differing trads and opinions interact for prolonged periods of time. If no one knows what you do and believe, then no one's there to argue with you. I'm especially trying to avoid the "Real Wicca" debate. Yeah, I have an opinion and it's something I care about, but I don't want to fight about it. It doesn't solve anything. Trad Wiccans are always going to go on doing what they're doing, and eclectics are going to keep on, too.

It's so weird to be interviewing with coven #2 and thinking back on where I've been and how far I've come. I got involved in Wicca the same way most people do nowadays: through a friend, and by reading the kind of books that make me cringe now. I remember being in high school and dreaming of the days when I would have my own money to buy whatever books or supplies I wanted, the freedom to practice ritual openly (outside, even!), the ability to attend festivals and open rituals, and the knowledge and experience to finally feel comfortable with what I was doing. Most importantly, a real connection to the Divine. Now, with or without a coven, I'm finally here. It makes me think about the two friends I started all of this with back in high school. I don't keep in touch with either anymore. I wonder if they're still Pagan.

As a sidenote, a million thank yous to my thirteen-year-old self for starting to journal right away and being so consistent. While not every little thing is documented, there's enough to get an overall sense of where I've been. It can't be overemphasized how important it is to start a book of shadows (or something) right away. My first was a composition notebook covered in duct tape. After that it was three ring binders. Now, it's mostly bound books. But it doesn't matter. They all end up being precious in the end.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. In a little while it's off to dinner at a very French restaurant that, despite the heat and no ice, I hope my parents will find charming and satisfying.

Defining Sacred

I'm trying to be more focused. Sometimes when I'm feeling good I think I have all this potential, and it's just a question of letting it out. It's a real struggle to maintain that feeling of connectedness sometimes. For a lot of people, reading and writing is a very airy sort of thing. A higher pursuit that requires thought, discernment, and hopefully, ultimately, the acquisition of knowledge and wisdom. All very Easterly. But for me, a different effect is achieved. Research grounds me. Writing keeps me centered. The physical act of reading comforts me. The more I reach outside of myself and consider things beyond, the more connected I feel to the rest of the world and the more I think I could do something positive with my life. In my room, my books are in the North. I didn't do it on purpose, it just worked out that way, and thinking about it now it makes sense to me.

Right now I'm reading Kaatryn MacMorgan-Douglas's Wicca 334: Further Advanced Topics in Wiccan Belief. KMD is a Priestess of the Universal Ecelectic Tradition, which I know nothing about, but many of her books are of immediate relevance to all Wiccan Traditions and I really enjoy them. I was really excited when I saw that she'd released a sequel to Wicca 333. The chapter I'm reading now is on sacred space and defining what is sacred and what isn't. A lot of Wiccans struggle with this idea. If the Divine exists in all things, then all things are sacred, be they people, animals, plants, or inanimate objects.

It's easy to say things like that. Everyone seems to always be talking about the sacredness of the world, but most people don't want to extend sacredness to things like guns and pavement, buildings and cars. Is everything really sacred or is that something to which Wiccans only pay lip service? Additionally, if thoughts are things and all things are sacred, are all thoughts sacred? Or is sacred a relative term? My athame is sacred to me, but there are many in this world who believe all weapons to be evil. Taking that idea further, are all actions sacred? Terrorist attacks are considered sacred, holy acts by many who now perpetrate them. Can something be sacred just inherently or does someone have to declare it to be sacred? How can the sacred be relative if the Divine exists all things?

Yeah, this is what I do with my free time. And this to me is what Wicca is about: trying to come up with answers to these questions. If we're not asking them to begin with, then what are we doing?