Yahweh

I'm what's often called a "hard polytheist." I see the gods as distinct entities with unique personalities, preferences, and agendas. My experience has been that some gods are more human-like than others. Some have more interest in humans than others. Some have more power and influence than others. Isis is no more a reflection of Hecate than I'm a reflection of you. Maybe on some esoteric, woo woo level we're All One, but for all practical purposes I am not you and Ogun is not Herne. Furthermore, not all gods have your best interests at heart (which is why the prospect of "using a deity" is so ludicrous).

That said, Yahweh is as real to me as any of the gods and spirits that I actually serve and work with. He's real and he's a pain in my ass. I don't really get the connection between Yahweh and Jesus. They're separate, they're the same, something about also being the Holy Spirit, whatever. But the second I get involved in anything Jesus-y, Yahweh is knocking on all of my doors, trying to push his way in. Like a persistent girl scout. I HEAR YOU I JUST DON'T WANT TO ANSWER SO GO AWAY. I DON'T WANT YOUR COOKIES.

This ethnography is going to be really challenging, as I'll be having to spend more time in church and reading scripture than probably a fair number of Christians. Thankfully I'm protected from his influence by my Satanic Wiccan powers.

Just an update

Hooray for cleaning my house! Imbolc for me is all about preparing for the coming spring, and part of that involves getting rid of crap I don't need, fixing crap that's broken, cleaning everything else, and making sure that nothing in the fridge is rotting. Woo! Look for a couple of new videos on my YouTube channel (including a giveaway), as well.

Not much to report otherwise. My goal this year was to make time for myself and my individual Craft studies alongside of school. I'm making an effort to journal every day, read non-school books, and make time for solitary ritual. I have to remind myself that I'm an infinitely happier person when I do these things, but it's still difficult. I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with, particularly when they're new to witchcraft. Over the years, I've figured out that for me the key really is working to live mindfully and make each act magical in and of itself. There will never be a point where "life settles down" and suddenly there's time to be Wiccan. Most people don't speak so explicitly, but that seems to be the implication when folks say things like, "I don't have time to practice." What does that even mean? Like we're talking about committing to a sports team or something. Wicca is about all of that other life stuff, too. It's about cleaning your house, taking care of your family, choosing what to eat, who you have relationships with, and making career decisions. It encompasses everything. Of course it doesn't tell you exactly how to do any of those things, but practicing Wicca fundamentally affects who you are, and thus every other decision you make. At least, that's been my experience. I realize it isn't like that for some people.

Anyway, I should be telling myself this. I'm going to go finish my laundry and go to the grocery store now.

Wiccan roller derby names

For those who don't know, derby skaters play under other names. It's actually remarkably similar to the concept of a magical name: it's designed to both protect your mundane identity as well as represent qualities or attitudes that are either already part of your personality or that you'd like to embody. Usually girls come up with puns on famous female names, coupled with terms related to the derby girl virtues of toughness and fearlessness, or somehow related to their own unique personalities (e.g. Babe Ruthless, Joan of Snark, Celia Fate, Eris Discordia, Anita Beer, etc.) The key is that it needs to be unique. A master list is maintained throughout Derbyville and no two girls can have the same or even similar names. Well, It's time for me to start thinking of potential names, and I think it would be fun to have one that reflects my work with the occult (I can always attribute it to my profession rather than religious affiliation). Are you ready for this much awesome? I could hardly stop squealing after coming up with this one:

Doreen Violente

Too bad no one would get it. How many Gardnerian roller girls do you think there are in the world? Answer: one. BUT COME ON. It's brilliant. And after spending a day trying to pun on "Aleister Crowley"? Brilliant.

I'm also considering Ava de Kedavra. I thought it was fantastic, but my teammates tell me no one will get it. WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?! I thought it was perfectly obvious, but no one's gotten it yet. If you do, comment and tell me so we can start our future together as BFFs.

EDIT:

I just came up with another one: Dion Misfortune. AHHHH I'M SO BRILLIANT.

EDIT:

Dorothy Clusterfuck

Aleister Brawley (#777)

Sybil Freak

Patricia Crowbar

WHAT IF ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WERE REAL AND PLAYED ON THE SAME TEAM.

It's raining and I'm procrastinating.

It's a rainy day here in Charlotte, and I'm sequestered at a coffee shop revising the paper I'm presenting at Florida State next month. I've been putting this off pretty much all month and last, but I just couldn't bring myself to bury myself in yet more work over the break. I though I'd, you know, actually take a break. Maybe that wasn't the best idea, academically speaking, but I'm certainly a lot happier for it.

I feel weird about this paper, which I've titled "Middle-Class Vodou: Spirit Possession and Marginality in the United States." Weird because I'm analyzing the work of authors that I've met personally and respect (Kenaz Filan and Raven Kaldera, namely), and because I'm both a believer and a practitioner of spirit possession. It's a lot easier to conduct research if you don't actually have any emotional investment in your subject. I'm writing in defense of I.M. Lewis, who basically argues that spirit possession is related to disenfranchisement and marginality, which makes me uncomfortable because I'm not really convinced that he's right. The paper is an exploration, in which I attempt to examine his theories in light of contemporary works on spirit possession by practitioners.

It's pretty sweet that my paper was accepted at this symposium and that my department is helping to pay my way, but frankly I'm way too ignorant to be getting up there and being all, "LET ME TELL YOU PEOPLE ABOUT SPIRITS." I console my nerves by reminding myself that at least I'm sympathetic to my subject, which is more than most academics. I just want to stay away from evaluating Neo-Pagan and contemporary magical communities in the future, because I don't think there's a good way to fairly represent both of my communities--the scholarly and the magical--at the same time. At least, I haven't found it. And I haven't read any other pagan scholars who have either, at least not yet. You either come off sounding like a turncoat or like an idiot.

Mostly, I just need this to go well so that my future in the Academy is a little more solid. My advisor told me to think of this as a job interview with FSU, University of Florida, and any of the Tennessee schools that may be represented. As terrible as it would be to have to move to Florida, it would be great to be on good terms with potential program advisors and directors.

I'm trying to be better about being more balanced this semester. Usually, I'm all about school all the time, which leads to things like forgetting to eat, not having friends, and never leaving the house. With roller derby and my commitments to my coven and my health (I'm trying this new thing where I work out outside of derby practices and eat periodically), I'm forcing myself to be more well-rounded. I'm one of those people that likes tightly-ordered schedules and organized plans, so getting myself into a routine is a helpful thing. I've also joined a new dance studio, so that should be a nice compliment to derby. I'm also on the my league's marketing committee, so I've for plenty to do aside from school. I've even scheduled time for journaling and reading non-school books. It probably sounds restrictive to some of you, but my psyche breaks down if I don't have a lot going on in an ordered way. Think Hermione Granger, only not as smart and on lots of drugs.

Ugh. Back to this paper. For real now.

I'm not dead!

Check it out, guys. School ate my life, and then I disappeared (just like I said I would), and then I spent more time on YouTube, and then my car broke down and I had to take it in for what amounts to car reconstructive surgery, and now here I am in the mechanic's waiting room drinking bad coffee and updating my blog. Lucky you.

Jeez, where do I even start? Well, I think some of you (the three of you) know me from YouTube, and you can see that I still post videos. I haven't had lots of time to write since beginning grad school. I ended up taking the offer from UNC-Charlotte. Not a well-established program--no one's going to raise their eyebrows and go, "Oh, you went to Charlotte!" unless they're native or being ironic--but one that I feel is up and coming. My professors are fantastic and I'm a great fit for the program, and that's really the best reason to select a school. Charlotte had the most to offer me and was willing to grant me the most freedom to pursue my own interests. Plus I have the best advisor I could have hoped for.

The downside, obviously, is that I have to live in Charlotte. People who are from Charlotte love it. Most folks who are born here don't leave. It's not like Raleigh, where practically everyone is a transplant. Consequently, people from Charlotte have no basis for comparison. So when they say things like, "Oh! Charlotte is so much fun! There's so much to do!" it's because they've never actually experienced real fun and their idea of "so much to do" consists of watching NASCAR, talking about football, and not reading or creating art. Does "reinforcing the status quo" count as a hobby? Because that's where Charlotte is a viking. I know I sound like an asshole right now, but you've got to remember: I'm from DC. I've been spoiled by free museums, independent bookstores, and one of the best public transport systems in the country. In the first week that I moved to Charlotte, I got a flat tire. I pulled off the road and, as I was changing said tire, a pick-up truck full of hillbilly men wearin' huntin' camo and fish hooks on their caps pulled up behind me and catcalled me while I was tending to my car. WTF, Charlotte. That incident has pretty much characterized my life here so far.

Not to say that there haven't been plenty of bright spots. Charlotte does have roller derby, after all. And pole dancing. And I love my program. I even got trick-or-treaters at Halloween, which is something that never happened in Raleigh. I'm also much closer to my coven, which is a huge perk. My travel time has been cut in half, and I've even got a covenmate here in town (great when your car breaks down).

Weirdly, Charlotte seems to have no pagan scene at all. AT ALL. There's some sort of Wiccan church a few dozen miles outside of town, but their Witchvox postings make them sound pretty terrible, and I've got problems with the whole "Wiccan church" thing anyway. You can call it whatever you want, but as far as I'm concerned, if you feel that what you're doing warrants terms like "church" and "congregation" then you and I probably aren't practicing the same religion or worshipping the same gods.

There are also no occult or New Age bookstores (no bookstores at all, really). There are New Agey gift shops where you can buy quartz necklaces and copies of The Power of Now, but no actual bookstores. This I don't understand, given how large Charlotte is.

Anyway, that's all for now. I'll make the effort to update with some frequency, but you can always find me on YouTube.